jesus – Bruce Llama

The ACL guides us on appropriateness!

Bruce — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 21:49:29 +0000

The Australian Christian Lobby has questioned the use of taxpayers’ money to subsidise so-called art aimed at denigrating religion.

Let me answer the question for you – taxpayers money is being spent on a fringe festival, not specifically on just one show. It’s one of the things that governments do. You know, like when the government paid for the security for that old fart pope bloke to come pay a visit, us non-religious types thought that was a waste of money. Or how about when my tax payer money is spent on presents for the next king of England? That’s a waste too. And just where do you get off denigrating someone’s performance as ‘so-called art’?

The South Australian Government and Adelaide City Council sponsorship of a Fringe Festival event entitled ‘Come Heckle Christ’ is inappropriate according to the ACL’s South Australia spokesperson Dan Flynn.

Well, the world would be a worse place if we all decided what could and couldn’t be funded on some sort of criteria around appropriateness decided by the likes of Danny Flynn.

The Catholic Archbishop of Adelaide, Philip Wilson, was right to urge people to complain about the production, Mr Flynn said, and ACL would encourage its supporters to do the same.

Seriously? You want to complain about a play in a fringe festival? You’d sooner shut it down and suppress the right of the artists to free speech? Wow.

“While ACL supports freedom of speech and most Christians are very tolerant when it comes to public attacks on their faith, ‘Come Heckle Christ’ had gone too far, particularly as it is partially funded by the public purse,” Mr Flynn said. “In a tolerant society there is room for disagreement and debate but respect for religion should be encouraged.”

So, now we have to respect your religion? Why the fuck should we encourage respect for a religion that thinks people who don’t accept jesus bloody christ as god are going to burn in hell for all eternity? Why should there be respect for a bunch of bigots who think gay people should be stoned to death? Why should we respect a religion that is clearly a fantasy? What Danny boy and his type are really saying is that religion should be respected just because it should be respected, because it’s religion. There’s no other reason. If your god is offended by the performance let him deal with it by the dropping by and yelling at the top of his voice stop it! At the very least he should send bushfires or floods or a bunch of frogs to nibble the artists toes. I would have thought that the ACL would be more interested in protecting the rights of gay people in Nigeria who are going to be stoned to death for being gay. The catholic bishops over there think it’s a good idea. Where is the outrage about that?

Mr Flynn noted that advertising material for the production described the crucifixion of Christ as a “fairy-tale” despite the fact that no serious historian believes that.

Ha! Serious historians! Therefore any historian that says there is no evidence for the existence of jesus is not a serious historian? It’s great to see that the ACL now controls the criteria for serious people too.

Seriously.

Jesus Jean the Coffee is Off

Bruce — Sat, 16 Jun 2012 04:29:27 +0000

Coffee!

I love it!

I would never buy a coffee from Gloria Jean’s after it has been revealed that they sponsor my mate Wally at the Australian Chruntian Lobby. (The hr in Chruntian is silent). Â You can read all about this over at my mate the Gladly the cross eyed bear’s blog. Â She’s good, damn good. Â And also the delectable Doug Pollard’s work in this has been outstanding and so many others.

Gloria Jean’s have been bending over backwards to say that they aren’t the slightest bit homophobic. Â That people can believe what they like. Â To which the rest of us snort and dribble a bit.

Gloria Jean’s said this on their Facebook page:

The religious affiliation and preferences of some our management, Franchise Partners or Team Members, is their personal choice and bears no relevance to the way that our business runs day to day.

And on their corporate site you’ll find this statement:

The diversity in our Gloria Jean’s Coffees family is significant but from our Support office in Australia to our baristas in South Africa & our Logistics Managers in Turkey, the Gloria Jean’s Coffees family is connected by our shared vision to be “the most loved and respected coffee company in the world”. We are dedicated to excellence and innovation in everything we do and foster a culture of enthusiasm, family values and a strong belief in people.

Well, yes, they have diversity in people, some of them are black, there’ll be a token Asian or two and probably a Scot. Â They talk in terms of family and their shared vision to be the most loved and respected coffee company in the world….ok. Â And here’s the bit that gets me, it’s all too happy clappy, they want to foster a culture of enthusiasm (Praise the lord!), family values (Oh yes, we all know what family and values means) and a strong belief in people! Â Jesus be praised!

You can pick up their advertising around the traps. Â People like Dave the Happy Singer found a logo on a ute. Â The Jesus Ute, none the less.

The Jesus Ute is driven by Andrew ‘FishTail’ Fisher. Â Oh groan. Â He’s sponsored by Gloria Jean’s, The Bible Society and Compassion Australia. Â Andrew Fisher has a strong connection to the Jesus All About Life campaign¹, which is run by the Bible Society. Â FishTail (fishy to his mates) proudly displays the logos on the bottom of his website:

Logos from Jesus Racing website

When Fishy put the jesus all about life logo on his ute he says on his site:

Secondly, it took away any chance of raising funds for sponsorship from mainstream secular companies as this would confuse the message too much.

Mainstream secular companies. Â Therefore, he needs religious based organisation not to confuse the message of jesus. Â In comes Gloria Jean’s, who’s logo is still on the bottom of his site.

It seems that Gloria Jean’s only support organisations that love jesus, and organisations that deny the rights of everyone that isn’t straight. Â They try to sound like good corporate citizens and dress the whole thing up by talking about how they support people in poverty, but even that comes with a jesus message.

And, I have to say, that when I was at school, it was a well known fact that girls that wore jeans had abortions. Sister Jean said so. Â So, Gloria, did you? Â (Sorry, that was a random thought)

Anyway Ms. Jean – time to fess up and stop pretending you’re the slightest bit interested in anything other than spreading the vile notions of people like the Bible Society and the Australian Christian Lobby.

Â I blogged about that campaign in 2009 read it here ↩

Jesus Crucified

Bruce — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 06:03:41 +0000

Jesus crucified, for us he suffered for us he died, on the cross

So goes the song from my child hood. Â We only ever sung the words on Good Friday, the one day of the year that christians everywhere take the day off and think about how much jesus has done for them.

The suffering of jesus on the cross, his dying and then his resurrection is the pivot point for their christian faith. Â Without this great sacrifice christianity means nothing. Â There would be no point.

St Mary's - Hamilton

You see, god so loved the world that he sent his only son that we may live. Â What a marvellous thing to do.

Crucifixion is no easy thing. Â Certainly not for jesus, you see, he was whipped and beaten, made to carry his own wooden cross, had his clothes ripped from him, was nailed to the cross, was stabbed and had his legs broken.

They strung him up and it was all over within the day, a matter of hours.

What a great sacrifice he made for us.

Then, I think about those others who suffer and die. Â Not for sins, but because of the brutality of others. Those who are tortured physically, mentally, sexually. Â Their suffering can go on for many years. Â The torment may lead to their death by their own hands, and sometimes death by those that abuse them.

Think about those that are sick. Â They might have cancer and suffer for years, in great pain. Â They have treatment that prolongs their life, but the cost is great suffering as the illness finally overcomes them and they die a pain-killer drugged death. Â Nobody stabs them or breaks their legs to get it over with in a couple of hours.

After the horrible death of jesus, guess what, he came back to life! Isn’t that simply incredible. Â After his hours of suffering, he sprang back to life, all healed. Â Great sacrifice god, well done you!

So great was the sacrifice that we now build temples in honour of jesus. Â We keep a red light burning all the time¹ when we have some of his body kept in a ciborium² with a veil over it hidden away in the tabernacle³. It’s important to bring gifts of flowers and money to the altar, and you should also be sure to have a statue of jesus with his heart hanging out of his shirt.

Jesus with his heart

If you are almost as famous as jesus and you die of cancer, somebody might make a statue of you, or name a bridge after you. Â Sometimes a foundation might be set up. Â If you’re really lucky you’ll get both a building and a foundation.

What you won’t get is brought back to life. Â Even though your suffering has been thousands of times worse than crucifixion, through no choice of your own, you’ll die and that’s the end of it. Two generations and nobody will know you. Â Just visit any cemetery and see how many people you actually know.

So, here we are at easter, there’s much talk from bishops and priests about love, how great it is that their god sent his only son (who was also himself), suffered, died and rose again. Â They’ll do this dressed up in fine linen, living in luxuriousÂ accommodations, having more gold than you and I can dream of, and the only suffering they have to put up with is a few words thrown their way by rude people who are hellbent on persecuting them.

That’s suffering for you.

It’s called a sanctuary lamp, and it’s suppose to stay alight all the time SOURCE ↩
A vessel for holding the communion host SOURCE ↩
A locked box for keeping the ciborium in SOURCE ↩

How to Piss Off the Christians to BC or not to BCE

Bruce — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 05:17:49 +0000

[SOURCE]

Oh it’s getting so easy to upset the christians these days.

Now there’s a move to replace the use of BC and AD with BCE and CE. Â Not a biggy I wouldn’t have thought. Â It’s bad enough that we mark our years by counting the number of them since the birth of an imaginary figure. Â It’s time to grow up and understand that the world is much bigger than christianity. Â It’s crazy that we count our years this way, and it’s become the main system of counting around the globe. Â Considering that a vast majority of the world doesn’t actually believe in the christian or jewish god¹ it seems somewhat arrogant of the likes of Peter Jensen, Archbitme for Sydney to say this:

Intellectually absurd attempt to write Christ out of human history

or the Opposition Liberal wanker and education spokesperson Christopher Pyne:

Kowtowing to political correctness by the embarrassing removal of AD and BC in our national curriculum is of a piece with the fundamental flaw of trying to deny who we are as a people.

How are christians being denied who they are? Â Nobody is trying to write this stupid jesus stuff out of history. What a lot of rot.

When I was at school back in the 1970’s (that’s CE) we were already using BCE and CE, it doesn’t seem to have stopped the catholics from believing this rubbish about god.

I suggest that we start counting the years based on the age of the earth, Â so we’re about 4,550,000,000, next year will be 4,550,000,001. Â Oh, that all sounds way too hard. Â Let’s do it based on the birth of me. Â Then we can have BBL and ABL.

Sounds delightful.

Â Some 77% believe in something other than jesus SOURCE ↩

Holy Waterways

Bruce — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 04:08:59 +0000

[SOURCE]

Over in the stinking hot desert, Israel has opened a site where apparently the lord jesus was dunked by fellow make believe person, John the baptist.

The site, on the banks of the Jordan (that’s Jordan River, we don’t normally say Jordan River) had to be cleared of land mines, rocks, pebbles and condoms. Â (I made the last one up). Â All at a cost of about $3 million dollars. Â Of course, the Jordanians think that the site is really on their side of the river.

So, one side of the river you have a bunch of jews who think that jesus was not the son of god claiming he was baptised there, on the other bank you have a bunch of muslims, who think that jesus was not the son of god claiming he was baptised there. Â Boy, are they confused.

The real reason it’s opened can be summed up by this comment fromÂ Minister for Regional Cooperation Silvan Shalom

it has a huge tourist potential, and the option of hosting hundreds of thousands of people who will come here and extend their stay in Israel.

Religious types are so easy to rip off.

It’s Easter!

Bruce — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 08:54:38 +0000

Click to see full image

Hepatitis Scare – Get Vaccinated Against Jesus

Bruce — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 01:56:19 +0000

[SOURCE]
So, Christmas Day, you being the good little catholic that you are, head off to church to partake in the ritual eating of the flesh and blood of your lord and saviour. Not this protestant version of it being symbolic. You are catholic, you believe that the little round host thingy that you are about to consume has been turned into the flesh of your god. You then drink from the cup of wine and believe that it is no longer wine but the real blood of your jesus-on-a-stick deity. It’s called transubstantiation.

After the magic words, this is the real flesh of jesus

The magic words are said, the host, the wafer, the bread, the little round disk, changes into the real flesh of jesus and the hungry catholics consume it. Â Cannibals.

But imagine then discovering, that the perfect saviour host, the thing that will bring you eternal bliss when you live forever with him in heaven is in fact a conduit for theÂ transmissionÂ ofÂ hepatitisÂ A, and you now must go back to church to get jabbed so you don’t contract the disease.

YouÂ filthyÂ slut jesus. Â How dare you play around and contractÂ hepatitisÂ and not use proper protection, infecting all the faithful. Â How can your perfect body be contaminated. Â How is something so sacred allowed to be come dirty.

Oh, must be the devil

The arsehole.

Or….it’s not really the body of christ? Â Surely not. Â Just as well it was only hep A, otherwise the lord would no doubt have stepped in and stopped it all.

A New Year

Bruce — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 04:25:58 +0000

So, here we are, a lump of wet rock hurling around a star at 107,300 km/h¹ and we’ve just completed another circuit, bringing us back to the starting point, and we tick another year off our calendar. Â In the christian world we count the years since the birth of that supposed saviour and all round decent bloke, jesus.²

January the 1st was designated as the New Year byÂ JuliusÂ CaesarÂ in 46 BC³, the christians adopted in later as the day jesus got his dick cut⁴Â , but for a number of years they faffed around with the new year happening in March.

Of course, Caesar made anÂ arbitraryÂ decision, and January the 1st isÂ arbitrary. Â It really has no special significance. Â It really is just once around the sun.

We could make it significant by moving it to the Summer (or WinterÂ Solstice), that sort of makes more sense. Â But you know what, it doesn’t really matter.

A happy new year to all.

Of course, a new year is also the time to start making predicitions about the future, lots of people do it, like Craig, he’s an EnglishÂ psychic and makes the following statements:

Two Industrial explosions â€“ one in Indian that is reminiscent of the Bhopal disaster in scale and another in China

In August, three UK soldiers win Victoria Crosses for daring night raid deep into Taliban stronghold.

Denial of Service attack on USA Banks by foreign country causes failures to Internet.

Tropical Island is evacuated due to volcanic eruption

Earthquake in California and the famous Hollywood sign is damaged.

Wild animal disease scare results in mass slaughter of livestock.

The Spring month will see angry demonstrations over wage and pension cuts

William and Kate Royal Wedding Plans announced.

In February the Beckhams reveal that are planning a divorce.

Liverpool win the FA cup

Ok… so very generic. Â There’s nothing that is surprising there really. Â He is already claiming some of his predictions have come true, such as the impending Royal Wedding (like we didn’t see that coming) and the denial of service on Visa and Mastercard.

I too predict and earthquake in California, and I too predict that the Hollywood sign will be damaged. Â Of course, the two incidents may not be related.
Craig is also very good at acknowledging his predictions that came true last year, he made 21 predictions and claims 6 came true, then goes on to say:

Got other things wrong too but generally a high success rate. There’s a few I’d consider borderline hits as they appear to be happening but could not be considered a direct hit

So, a high success rate is about 28%. Â Impressive I guess. Â But lets just have a look at what he got right:

PAKISTANI FLOODS – I said: “The monsoon arrives late but falls as one torrential downpour causing unprecedented flooding and human tragedy.”
Sadly it happened.

Give me a break, monsoon rains fall every year and always cause flooding and human tragedy. Look at Banglesdesh. I would have been impressed if he said that Pakistan will have a major human tragedy on its hands after massive floods and the world will be slow to respond. He doesn’t mention that as part of this prediction he also said that

Florida too sees three major hurricanes in close succession that strike deep into the continent with higher than normal tremors on San Andreas fault line.

Pardon me while I do a polite cough.

CELEBRITY KIDNAP – I said: “Celebrity is kidnapped and a ransom demand made.”
There was an attempted kidnap of Formula 1 driver Jeson Button

Is this guy for real? That’s not a hit at all. Jeson was not kidnapped and a ransom demand was not made.

BIG BROTHER DISASTER – I said: “The last Big Brother series ends with tragedy as someone on set is seriously hurt.”
In July Keeley Johnson had to leave the house and taken to hospital with broken ankle.

Big Brother UK finished in 24th August 2010, the fractured ankle did not end the season early, and Johnson decided not to return after treatment, the ankle injury was not considered serious.

PROTESTS – I said: “Nationwide strike by civil servants causes widespread disruption.”
The announcements in cuts to the civil service have caused extensive unrest, particularly with students.

Like this would be a surprise.

PETROL PRICES – I Said: “Petrol prices shoot through the roof.” We saw a major hike in petrol prices. (see graph)

Actually what Craig predicted was this:

Petrol prices shoot through the roof as OPEC make price fixing deal with Russia.

He’s being very selective, as far as I know OPEC and Russia did not do a price fixing deal, and that deal did not lead to a sharp rise in petrol prices.

SERIOUS SPACE STATION PROBLEM: I said: “System failures on the US space lab require a rescue mission with Russian help.”
In July 2010 Russian Progress M-06M missed the station with potentially disastrous results. My prediction was not right but I’d anticipated the essence of what happened.

Great, so now he’s making predictions, and when he misses he talks about essence. What a crock of shit.
Here’s a full list of his 2010 predictions, none of which is really startling, and very generic.

Bin Laden dies.

Quantum physicists discover extraordinary way generate electricity from water.

MP caught in indecent act in public toilet.

Important public figure revealed to be a member of a white supremacy movement with 2011 seeing a serious increase in racist attacks

Secret human cloning experiment attempts to clone famous person.

X factor in 2011 will be won by a group of friends who were choir boys together.

Britain pulls out of Afghanistan leaving only a few token troops.

Iran gives up its quest for a nuclear bomb but North Korea continues to threaten peace.

Celebrity is kidnapped and a ransom demand made.

Barack Obama expresses an interest in holistic healing and â€˜world healingâ€™ becomes a dominant theme and key phrase to his 2011 speeches. He brokers a historic deal between Israel and the Palestinians.

The monsoon arrives late but falls as one torrential downpour causing unprecedented flooding and human tragedy. Florida too sees three major hurricanes in close succession that strike deep into the continent with higher than normal tremors on San Andreas fault line.

The Vancouver Olympics see a young person, who is barely old enough to compete, walk away with a gold medal

The last Big Brother series ends with tragedy as someone on set is seriously hurt.

System failures on the US space lab require a rescue mission with Russian help.

Petrol prices shoot through the roof as OPEC make price fixing deal with Russia.

Meanwhile, Britain and Germany make a green energy deal with a big new wind turbine factory opened in UK.

Japanese bullet train terrorist attack attempt is foiled.

Nationwide strike by civil servants causes widespread disruption. The Post Office unions continue to take strike action and the government announces that it plans eventually to renationalise the railways.

Police corruption claims are made as a huge illegal immigrant ring is uncovered.

Australia win back the ashes

European parliament move to make heroin legal for addicts who wish to take it under medical supervision. The war on drugs heats up as central London sees a street shoot out between rival gangs.

This guy sucks! Â He can’t predict anything, and his website is all about getting you to part with Â£1.50 per minute to ring a psychic that he has selected because

The psychics and mediums listed below have been carefully selected for their accuracy and sincerity.

So, my predictions for 2011:

A Nation will launch an attack on another nation
A strike will happen when public servants become upset
A celebrity will break up
There will be a royal wedding
There will be an earthquake and people will die.
There will be a space accident
An alpaca will stumble across a life changing secret that has been buried in the Andes but before the secret can be revealed to the rest of the world a hunter will shot and eat the alpaca.

Have a good one.

jesus – Bruce Llama

The ACL guides us on appropriateness!

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