A New Year

So, here we are, a lump of wet rock hurling around a star at 107,300 km/h1 and we’ve just completed another circuit, bringing us back to the starting point, and we tick another year off our calendar.  In the christian world we count the years since the birth of that supposed saviour and all round decent bloke, jesus.2

January the 1st was designated as the New Year by Julius Caesar in 46 BC3, the christians adopted in later as the day jesus got his dick cut4 , but for a number of years they faffed around with the new year happening in March.

Of course, Caesar made an arbitrary decision, and January the 1st is arbitrary.  It really has no special significance.  It really is just once around the sun.

We could make it significant by moving it to the Summer (or Winter Solstice), that sort of makes more sense.  But you know what, it doesn’t really matter.

A happy new year to all.

Of course, a new year is also the time to start making predicitions about the future, lots of people do it, like Craig, he’s an English psychic and makes the following statements:

  • Two Industrial explosions – one in Indian that is reminiscent of the Bhopal disaster in scale and another in China
  • In August, three UK soldiers win Victoria Crosses for daring night raid deep into Taliban stronghold.
  • Denial of Service attack on USA Banks by foreign country causes failures to Internet.
  • Tropical Island is evacuated due to volcanic eruption
  • Earthquake in California and the famous Hollywood sign is damaged.
  • Wild animal disease scare results in mass slaughter of livestock.
  • The Spring month will see angry demonstrations over wage and pension cuts
  • William and Kate Royal Wedding Plans announced.
  • In February the Beckhams reveal that are planning a divorce.
  • Liverpool win the FA cup

Ok… so very generic.  There’s nothing that is surprising there really.  He is already claiming some of his predictions have come true, such as the impending Royal Wedding (like we didn’t see that coming) and the denial of service on Visa and Mastercard.

I too predict and earthquake in California, and I too predict that the Hollywood sign will be damaged.  Of course, the two incidents may not be related.
Craig is also very good at acknowledging his predictions that came true last year, he made 21 predictions and claims 6 came true, then goes on to say:

Got other things wrong too but generally a high success rate. There’s a few I’d consider borderline hits as they appear to be happening but could not be considered a direct hit

So, a high success rate is about 28%.  Impressive I guess.  But lets just have a look at what he got right:

PAKISTANI FLOODS – I said: “The monsoon arrives late but falls as one torrential downpour causing unprecedented flooding and human tragedy.”
Sadly it happened.

Give me a break, monsoon rains fall every year and always cause flooding and human tragedy. Look at Banglesdesh. I would have been impressed if he said that Pakistan will have a major human tragedy on its hands after massive floods and the world will be slow to respond. He doesn’t mention that as part of this prediction he also said that

Florida too sees three major hurricanes in close succession that strike deep into the continent with higher than normal tremors on San Andreas fault line.

Pardon me while I do a polite cough.

CELEBRITY KIDNAP – I said: “Celebrity is kidnapped and a ransom demand made.”
There was an attempted kidnap of Formula 1 driver Jeson Button

Is this guy for real? That’s not a hit at all. Jeson was not kidnapped and a ransom demand was not made.

BIG BROTHER DISASTER – I said: “The last Big Brother series ends with tragedy as someone on set is seriously hurt.”
In July Keeley Johnson had to leave the house and taken to hospital with broken ankle.

Big Brother UK finished in 24th August 2010, the fractured ankle did not end the season early, and Johnson decided not to return after treatment, the ankle injury was not considered serious.

PROTESTS – I said: “Nationwide strike by civil servants causes widespread disruption.”
The announcements in cuts to the civil service have caused extensive unrest, particularly with students.

Like this would be a surprise.

PETROL PRICES – I Said: “Petrol prices shoot through the roof.” We saw a major hike in petrol prices. (see graph)

Actually what Craig predicted was this:

Petrol prices shoot through the roof as OPEC make price fixing deal with Russia.

He’s being very selective, as far as I know OPEC and Russia did not do a price fixing deal, and that deal did not lead to a sharp rise in petrol prices.

SERIOUS SPACE STATION PROBLEM: I said: “System failures on the US space lab require a rescue mission with Russian help.”
In July 2010 Russian Progress M-06M missed the station with potentially disastrous results. My prediction was not right but I’d anticipated the essence of what happened.

Great, so now he’s making predictions, and when he misses he talks about essence. What a crock of shit.
Here’s a full list of his 2010 predictions, none of which is really startling, and very generic.

  1. Bin Laden dies.
  2. Quantum physicists discover extraordinary way generate electricity from water.
  3. MP caught in indecent act in public toilet.
  4. Important public figure revealed to be a member of a white supremacy movement with 2011 seeing a serious increase in racist attacks
  5. Secret human cloning experiment attempts to clone famous person.
  6. X factor in 2011 will be won by a group of friends who were choir boys together.
  7. Britain pulls out of Afghanistan leaving only a few token troops.
  8. Iran gives up its quest for a nuclear bomb but North Korea continues to threaten peace.
  9. Celebrity is kidnapped and a ransom demand made.
  10. Barack Obama expresses an interest in holistic healing and ‘world healing’ becomes a dominant theme and key phrase to his 2011 speeches. He brokers a historic deal between Israel and the Palestinians.
  11. The monsoon arrives late but falls as one torrential downpour causing unprecedented flooding and human tragedy. Florida too sees three major hurricanes in close succession that strike deep into the continent with higher than normal tremors on San Andreas fault line.
  12. The Vancouver Olympics see a young person, who is barely old enough to compete, walk away with a gold medal
  13. The last Big Brother series ends with tragedy as someone on set is seriously hurt.
  14. System failures on the US space lab require a rescue mission with Russian help.
  15. Petrol prices shoot through the roof as OPEC make price fixing deal with Russia.
  16. Meanwhile, Britain and Germany make a green energy deal with a big new wind turbine factory opened in UK.
  17. Japanese bullet train terrorist attack attempt is foiled.
  18. Nationwide strike by civil servants causes widespread disruption. The Post Office unions continue to take strike action and the government announces that it plans eventually to renationalise the railways.
  19. Police corruption claims are made as a huge illegal immigrant ring is uncovered.
  20. Australia win back the ashes
  21. European parliament move to make heroin legal for addicts who wish to take it under medical supervision. The war on drugs heats up as central London sees a street shoot out between rival gangs.

This guy sucks!  He can’t predict anything, and his website is all about getting you to part with £1.50 per minute to ring a psychic that he has selected because

The psychics and mediums listed below have been carefully selected for their accuracy and sincerity.

So, my predictions for 2011:

  1. A Nation will launch an attack on another nation
  2. A strike will happen when public servants become upset
  3. A celebrity will break up
  4. There will be a royal wedding
  5. There will be an earthquake and people will die.
  6. There will be a space accident
  7. An alpaca will stumble across a life changing secret that has been buried in the Andes but before the secret can be revealed to the rest of the world a hunter will shot and eat the alpaca.

Have a good one.

This entry was posted in Rant.

9 Responses to A New Year

  1. Will the alpaca be albino?

  2. More importantly, will the Alpaca be AWESOME! I think yes. Definitely will be an awesome Alpaca. Even albino Alpaca’s are awesome.

    Happy happy.

  3. Andrew says:

    I like alpacas. They taste like chicken.

  4. Andrew says:

    I bow to the wisdom of the Llama dude

  5. Bruce says:

    While you’re down there….

  6. Andrew says:

    Wicked Llama! You’ll be saying next that there’s no such thing as God (or Dog for dyslexics)