Christian Arrogance


While driving along the freeway this couple in their late 70’s and elders of the inexcusable Catch The Fire Ministries had an accident.

They were towing a trailer and noticed it wasn’t travelling correctly, so pulled over on the side of a very busy freeway to make  some adjustments.  Realising that this wasn’t particularly safe, they got in the car just in time to see a set of headlights in the rear view mirror, that car then collided with them, smashing the trailer and ripping the roof off their car.

In their supreme arrogance, they credit god with saving their old arses from meeting him.  They reckon it’s a mircale.  Why?  Because:

My husband’s words were “Oh. No.”.  He was the driver at the time and could see it all coming.  On hearing those words I knew that this meant TROUBLE, and my immediate response was to call out ‘J E S U S’ as in a cry for help, and at that very moment my husband sensed a covering come over the two of us

That’d be my response too – although probably more like “Oh, no, jesus fucking christ, duck!”

And what’s the sense of covering coming over the two of you?  Like a table cloth, or maybe the tarp off the trailer? Perhaps he wet himself? And when telling the story do you yell the word TROUBLE and do you double space J E S US?  Do you talk in capital letters?  And why the fuck, I ask again, why the fuck would god protect you crusty old farts while letting this two year old in another accident die?  Or any other people die in accidents that their stupid dumb-arsed non-existent god could have easily provided a ‘covering’ for them?

So, the minute this elderly couple get out of the car they start praising their precious god and thanking him and telling everyone there about how jesus saved them.  This is the same jesus that could have prevent the whole catastrophe by ensuring the trailer was secured and tied down before they left, or he could have made sure the driver of the other car was paying attention, or he could have prevent the old farts from driving on the freeway.  But no, they actually think that he performed a miracle to save their rubbery bottoms.

To further expand they then think that because jesus saved them, that he is now opening doors when they go to seek help.

As we are connecting with people in the legal system, we are receiving favour in so many areas which is very unusual in this day and age, e.g., we are often told “sorry we cannot help you”, and when we produce photos of our wreckage, people are absolutely shocked that we made it out alive.  They change their attitude and ask us to “please take a seat, and I will get someone to help you”.

Pardon me while I cover my mouth with a slightly clenched fist and do a little cough.

Do you think that perhaps the reason the legal system is helping you is because somebody hit you and caused damage thereby putting them in the wrong?

There’s way too much misery, death, destruction and all around unhappiness in the world. It’s very arrogant of anyone to suggest that it is god looking after them in their good fortune.

As we head into this celebration of Dead Deity on a Stick, as people move around to go home to be with their families and friends over this extra long weekend, be careful out there, not because accidents happen, but because christians are out there waiting for a miracle, resist the urge to aim your car towards them.

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