Bruce Llama

Judges 4 (It’s a biblical reference… look it up)

So, Ehud (important bible dude) snuffed it and without him the Israelites did evil things, so bad that their ever loving but bastard lord god sold them.  It’s not clear what he did with the money, or maybe he got some goats and alpacas.

The codger he sold them to wasn’t very nice, I rather suspect that the ever loving but bastard lord god knew this when he did it.  In fact, they got treated so badly that they did cry unto the ever loving but bastard lord god who promised to deliver them from the man who he sold them too in the first place.  I wonder if he got a discount.

Then this dude with 900 chariots did give chase to the Israelites but the ever loving but bastard lord god did go out and get rid of them all by the sword, now these were the people that the ever loving but bastard lord god did sell his people to in the first place, fully aware of what a bad bit of work they were.

Then the leader of the chariot riders went to a tent of a friend to rest, and the wife of this friend waited until he was asleep and went into the tent and drove a tent peg through his head and killed him, while he slept.  She found a hammer, managed somehow to hold the peg still above his head and drive it through his skull with the hammer.  Way to go wonder woman.

The ever loving but bastard lord god is a bastard.

I love Pat Condell, he speaks a lot of sense… most of the time….

Resplendent  in his red slippers¹ Pope Bendydick has yet again been out there spreading his vile hatred of homosexuals in jesus name!

Bendydick in red slippers

The pope has said that Britain’s laws that aim to remove discrimination against homosexuals will discriminate against his little catholics by not allowing them the right to religious freedom [SOURCE].  I guess that’s in much the same way as society doesn’t allow stoning of adulterers anymore.

Let’s be perfectly honest here Bendydick.  The real reason you don’t want to let society get any more liberal is because of the bad wrap you lot got on all the sexual abuse stuff.  In your strange and twisted mind you still think that homosexuals are pedophiles, and your sheep do too.  You so much want to make the world think that you’re all squeaky clean now because you don’t let the poofs in, so the little catholic kiddies must be safe.

And yet, here you are in your Dorothy shoes, petticoats and lovely splendid red jacket.  I mean really does this scream drag queen or what?

He went on: “In some respects it actually violates the natural law upon which the equality of all human beings is grounded and by which it is guaranteed.”

This is secret catholic code for homosexuality isn’t natural because you can’t have kids by munching the muff or having backdoor sex, god wants you to have children when you have sex, god made sure men have sticky out bits and women have sticky in bits – s0 that means it’s natural to stick the bits together.  I bet he has got diagrams to help.

This kind of stupid backward rhetoric from an outdated useless religion that’s built on a lie needs to be challenged.  Step up and call the pope stupid.  His last century attitudes are out of step with modern thinking and he’s not helping any one at all.

I wonder if you can get red nugget.

[SOURCE]

The Leader of the Opposition, Tony Abbott has been talking.  The man shouldn’t open his mouth.

In a nutshell, the man, who seeks advice from Cardinal Hell, tells women they should keep their virginity and treat is as a gift – a gift that should be open like a box of chocolates says my Love Llama.

Abbott was once told to keep ‘your rosary off my ovaries’ and yet, here is the potential Australian Prime Minister dictating moral standings to the populace.

“I think all of us should act in ways that value ourselves. I’m trying not to be prescriptive here, I am trying not to be a preacher, but if someone asks my advice I would say don’t do anything you will live to regret if you can possibly help it.”

Yes, indeed, we should act in a way that values ourselves, so mind your own business, you are being prescriptive in trying to inflict your version of morality on other people who do not follow your rather quaint and Victorian views.  If someone asks your advice the correct response is “What do you think?  You should follow your own values”  It’s pretty easy.

In fairness he was probably only asked about girls – he has three himself, but he makes no mention of the same rules applying for the boys.  So off you go then, wave your willy around and see if there are any girls out there with a gift to give you.  I’m going off now to do a bit of willy waving, but not at girls…. I wonder what he feels about that then.

[SOURCE]

Get this, the group that calls themselves “Faith Comes By Hearing” are sending a bunch of audio bibles, solar powered, into Haiti.

Jesus fucking christ.  What is wrong with you?

Faith Comes By Hearing, an international Audio Bible group, is working with Convoy of Hope to provide spiritual relief in Haiti.

Spiritual relief is a good thing, educate people of the waste of time that god is, give them relief from religion.

…wait on a minute….

do they mean they are going into a disaster area to spread the word of god?  How is that relief?  I’m glad you asked.

Haitians will need that long-term hope and comfort that comes from knowing God has not forgotten them through this tragedy

This is that same god that built the world in the blink of an eye and made sure that the tectonic plates overlapped to allow slippage and cause earthquakes that could kill over 100,000 people in one rumble?  That god arsehole seems to have not thought it through too well.  He can see all of time and knows all that has happened and will happened and yet he still built the world to allow for such disasters so that wankers from Faith By Hearing can arrive in their nice clothes and hand the locals a copy of the holy babble that is solar powered.  So he really hasn’t forgotten about them, the bastard designed the disaster and planned to leave behind children, fathers and mothers.  He let it happen so that they could starve and die a horrible and slow death.  He let it happen so a bunch of useless fucking christians could descend upon the island like pigeon shit on a statue and minister in a useless way that does no good for anyone.

If only they would think.

If only they would do something useful.

In a response to my last blog I got this email.

Friends

One way to elevate this entire discussion to a higher level (in theory at least) is to remember that Jewish law does not end with Torah. Even if you believe – as some do – that the entire Law was handed down to Moses on Sinai, it is not just Torah. Indeed, I grew up believing that one thing really commendable about Judaism is the exhortation to keep thinking and asking questions! So, there is also Mishnah, Codes and Responsa and, as far as I know, the last of these continues in our own day. Jews of whatever flavour, if they wish to call themselves knowledgeable or religious, are supposed to know of these texts and the tradition of ongoing questioning and discussion which underlies them.

Now, it may be (and here I confess my own ignorance on such matters), that in the centuries since Torah, the Rabbis, in their (finite!) wisdom, have managed to “spin” just about all the issues that were raised in the previous posting: stoning a wayward child, an adulteress, a Sabbath breaker, etc. It seems, however, that the prohibition proscribed in Lev. 18 and elsewhere remains in force. If so, then presumably the present generation of Rabbis and other leaders can explain, clearly and unambiguously, why this is so.

In other words, what does Jewish scholarship and learning say about homosexuality today? One thing is clear. It cannot legitimately just keep quoting Lev 18 at us, for reasons I hope to have made clear. So, let us challenge our detractors to justify their point of view without merely quoting Torah; indeed, without merely quoting any particular text. Surely the whole point of Jewish learning is, as I said, to go on questioning and thinking…. And so we ask, again and again, exactly what is wrong with who we are and/or with what we do with one another in private?
L

What a quaint notion. The torah, the word of god, is the rules given to the mighty Moses for all mankind to live by. Now you’d reckon that it’s pretty straight forward, at least our modern translations are pretty straight forward. However, you can ignore the word of god if you get a couple of rabbits to find a good enough reason to find a loop hole in the text and thereby subvert the original meaning. The jewish people have been doing this for thousands of years, and it’s what I have been saying all along. Just change the rules, you’ve done it before, and its time to do it again.

But…

If you are going to pick and choose which rules to change, which rules are hard and fast, which ones are open to interpretation or which ones don’t apply because the temple is not there, then how do you choose? What inspiration can there be. If you’re going to bring into question one of these rules, then you should bring them all in to question, and for that reason alone the whole lot can be thrown out because if you can reinterpret one rule then the whole lot are corrupt and not necessary.

As you go through your mind and find all the ‘buts’, you know that you can please yourself as to what you believe. The real issue I have with the current ongoing saga with the JCCV and it’s purported job of representing the jewish people of Victoria is that they continue to apply antiquated rules to people who don’t believe in it. The orthodox perspective continues to pervade the attitude of sexuality and it’s out of step with the real world, the JCCV don’t call them to account for that attitude and the homophobia continues with very little opposition.

So by all means get the nasty book reviewed, change the rules, then go the next step and change the attitudes.

This just in the Inbox:

Who is this person “Bruce Llama”, and what connection do they have with the GLBT, Jewish Life, Knowledge of Torah (Jewish Bible / Old Testiment)?

I am Bruce.  I have been here since before the beginning and I expect I will be here until the end.  I dwell in the Great Lit and the Great Unlit. Read the rest here

It’s really easy to use the bible to support your own point of view and ignore the rest of what’s written in it, until you need it for something else.  It’s such a big book full of some of the most violent nasty stories you’ll read anywhere.  There’s also love and compassion, lots of sex!  How they love the sex in the good book.  It is like an instruction manual on how to get off and if you get off in the wrong way you need to learn how to dodge stones.

In The Age newspaper, the Executive Director of the JCCV, one Geoffrey Zygier¹, wrote a letter² to defend what he calls the “Jewish Bible”.  In the letter he says:

He ignores such commandments as “You shall love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt” and ”[If] a stranger comes into your midst … you shall not do him wrong … you shall love him as yourself”.

He uses these quotes, which look like they might be from Leviticus 19, to suggest that Jews have an obligation to be nice to the strangers, the letter is in relation to asylum seekers in Australia.

Let’s just have a bit of a look at Leviticus 19.

13: You shall not oppress your neighbor or rob him.

17: You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.

18: You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Of course there’s lots more in there – but as I’m dealing with a religious matter, I’ll only extract those parts that actually support me and ignore the rest.  And there’s the crux of the matter.  While Geoffrey is busy berating a ’stranger’ and giving him a lesson on jewish morality, talking of obligations, the organisation that he is the Executive Director of will not take its orthodox membership to task about their intolerant view on homosexuality.  He does not remind them of their obligation to not oppress their neighbour, he does not berate them when they hate their brother in their heart, he takes no action when they bear a grudge or take vengeance against the sons of their own people.  Of course, if he has taken them to task then perhaps he could supply those letters or just let us know.  The JCCV still refuses to acknowledge the problem that fundamentalism in judaism causes in young homosexuals growing up in an orthodox environment.  If you can pick and choose which bits of the bible you want to use to support your cause, then perhaps its possible to also ignore those parts that are no longer acceptable.  Bits like this:

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 (New International Version)

A Rebellious Son

¹⁸ If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, ¹⁹ his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. ²⁰ They shall say to the elders, “This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard.” ²¹ Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.[SOURCE]

So, you might get stoned for just being a rebellious teenager. There’s one that we don’t do anymore!

Deuteronomy 13:6-11 (New International Version)

⁶ If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, “Let us go and worship other gods” (gods that neither you nor your fathers have known, ⁷ gods of the peoples around you, whether near or far, from one end of the land to the other), ⁸ do not yield to him or listen to him. Show him no pity. Do not spare him or shield him. ⁹ You must certainly put him to death. Your hand must be the first in putting him to death, and then the hands of all the people. ¹⁰ Stone him to death, because he tried to turn you away from the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ¹¹ Then all Israel will hear and be afraid, and no one among you will do such an evil thing again.[SOURCE]

If your friend is of a different faith and they ask you to attend a church/mosque/synagogue service you should stone them to death.  There’s one that we don’t do anymore!

Leviticus 24:10-16 (New International Version)

A Blasphemer Stoned

¹⁰ Now the son of an Israelite mother and an Egyptian father went out among the Israelites, and a fight broke out in the camp between him and an Israelite. ¹¹ The son of the Israelite woman blasphemed the Name with a curse; so they brought him to Moses. (His mother’s name was Shelomith, the daughter of Dibri the Danite.) ¹² They put him in custody until the will of the LORD should be made clear to them.

¹³ Then the LORD said to Moses: ¹⁴ “Take the blasphemer outside the camp. All those who heard him are to lay their hands on his head, and the entire assembly is to stone him. ¹⁵ Say to the Israelites: ‘If anyone curses his God, he will be held responsible; ¹⁶ anyone who blasphemes the name of the LORD must be put to death. The entire assembly must stone him. Whether an alien or native-born, when he blasphemes the Name, he must be put to death. [SOURCE]

God is a bastard.  There’s one we don’t do any more.

Leviticus 20:26-27 (New International Version)
²⁶ You are to be holy to me because I, the LORD, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own.

²⁷ ” ‘A man or woman who is a medium or spiritist among you must be put to death. You are to stone them; their blood will be on their own heads.’ ” [SOURCE]

Ever read your stars?  Anyone ever asked what your star sign is?  Ever thought you’d heard a voice?  Had a friend who thinks they’re psychic?  You should stone them.  There’s one we don’t do any more!

Numbers 15:32-36 (New International Version)

The Sabbath-Breaker Put to Death

³² While the Israelites were in the desert, a man was found gathering wood on the Sabbath day. ³³ Those who found him gathering wood brought him to Moses and Aaron and the whole assembly, ³⁴ and they kept him in custody, because it was not clear what should be done to him. ³⁵ Then the LORD said to Moses, “The man must die. The whole assembly must stone him outside the camp.” ³⁶ So the assembly took him outside the camp and stoned him to death, as the LORD commanded Moses. [SOURCE]

Oh, this one is good.  Some poor bastard is out getting wood on a Saturday afternoon, the nights are probably cold, or his wife is giving birth and he needs to boil water, or he needs to sacrifice a lamb to god.  He’s very naughty and gets stoned.  No if and buts about it, no mitigating circumstances taken into consideration, that’s it, you fucked up, prepare to get pelted with fucking big rocks.  There’s one we don’t do any more.

Leviticus 18:22 (New International Version)
²² ” ‘Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

So, don’t lie with a man if you’re a man, there’s one we don’t do any more…. it’s ok to lie with a man.  But wait… that is detestable.  I wish we could say that’s one we don’t do anymore!  Alas, people from fundamental/orthodox backgrounds continue to treat homosexuals as sinners and think they are detestable.  They don’t stone people any more, as a society we find that detestable, so much gets washed away as society progresses, and yet some still cling to stupid silly statements in a book that is by and large ignored by most of its adherents.

Finally, Geoffrey Zygier says

[he's]insinuation that the Jewish Bible’s teachings lack compassion is wrong.

Not is not.  You’re being very selective.  You’ve picked a couple of passages out of the bible to pretend that those words represent compassion.  The bible is not compassionate, the JCCV lacks compassion and its time to stop quoting silly outdated texts are a defence for your actions, but that’s fucked and just plain wrong.

[SOURCE]

Pat Robertson, a man who think god talks to him¹, claimed that the Haitian’s made a pact with the devil². I made mention of it over here

As I have said before, not enough people in authority call these god-lovers out on this wacko concepts – they just seem to get away with saying outlandish unsupported claims, then like a ray of sunshine from heaven, the archangel did descend upon the earth and have a spokesperson from the White house call the remarks stupid.  At last, proof that there is a god!

“It never ceases to amaze, that in times of amazing human suffering, somebody says something that could be so utterly stupid,” Mr Gibbs said.

I bet those are words you’d never hear from the mouth of the god fearing bush administration.  At last, some common sense.

The spokesman also called the remarks ‘completely inappropriate’

Now if we could just call the pope stupid for thinking condoms in Africa³ are bad, if we could just call them on Mary Fucking MacKillop⁴ curing people of cancer and if we could just call silly and inane the concept of god then the world would be a much better place for llamas… and people.

[SOURCE]

Things are pretty grim in Haiti.  The body count to date is 70,000 people.  I grieve for the loss of that many fellow humans.  Nobody knows how many are dead, maybe we’ll never know.  I’ve read stories where they say it might be up to 200,000 people.  That’s a lot of people to go at the same time.

And yet… there’s faith.  People still think that god is there watching over them.  They turn to him now and ask him for help.

Your god is an arsehole.

If ever you wanted proof of the non-exisitence of any supernatural forces, here it is.  Nobody deserves to die the way the 70,000 and more have died.  It’s horrible, nasty and unacceptable.  There is no room for god in this story.

Preachers are preaching, getting people to pray.  What the fuck for?  Get your arses in to gear, this is no time to be dilly-dallying in useless pursuits.  People need your help now.  God isn’t going to bring anyone back, god isn’t going to bring you food and water, god doesn’t exisit.

Life is not a disaster. Life is joy! You don’t have food? Nourish yourself with the Lord. You don’t have water? Drink in the spirit.

Like that’s gonna fucking help anyone.  This is a disaster, there is little joy at present.  You’re hungry and thirsty and that same god that you now expect to help you out and bring the life saving miracle is the same one that just snuffed out tens of thousands of lives.

If you haven’t already, give some money to help the relief effort.  Just make sure it isn’t going to some useless toss pots who think that god is going to help.

While Pat Robertson accuses the Haitian’s of making a pact with the devil, and that is the cause of the tragic earth quake (and even goes so far as to call the quake a blessing in disguise)¹, the guys over at the Jerusalem post have bigger things to worry about.  Matthew Wanger is worried that jewish law isn’t keeping up with our gadgets.  Did you know that if you lost your arm and had it replaced that these days you can actually control your artificial arm with your thoughts?  I can see straight away what the problem is.  If on the sabbath you want to use your arm to do something, would that be considered work and therefore impossible to do on the day of rest?

So here we have the problems of the world on our door steps, unrest in the middle east, probably 100,000 people dead in Haiti, the environment in some sort of melt down and yet amongst all that there are people worried over the dilemma of whether or not using your artificial arm on the sabbath might be work and therefore prohibited.

Well.  I know what I’d be doing with the finger on my artificial arm!