Hamilton Man Trevor Walmsley is not in the bible!


Satan’s ToyBoy Trevor

Out it the far-flung western provinces of Victoria exists a rather small, quaint and unremarkable town called Hamilton.  In that town there once was a pub and it was called “The Hamilton”.  It was opposite the post office and drew a large and regular crowd of beer swilling, mixed-grill eating locals.

Now that same pub is called “The Hamilton Baptist Church”, in that church resides one Trevor.

Trevor is the worst sort of baptist minister.  He thinks he’s clever.  So clever that he has a flashing sign in his window that says:

You are here because God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve

I’ll wait while your eyes turn to their normal positions after rolling.

I did a quick search, and guess what, he’s right.  God didn’t create Steve.  There’s no mention of him in the bible at all.

But don’t take my word for it, go do your own search, it’s important in a biblical sense to do your research.

The bible does talk about a Stephen, later on, but never with Eve.

Strangely enough, as it happens, god did seem to create David and Jonathon

In fact, we can read this about those two in the Book of Samuel:

And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

That sounds erotic…

But the lord his god is a just god and not the slightest bit sexist:

In the Book of Ruth we find this:

And they lifted up their voice, and wept again: and Orpah kissed her mother in law; but Ruth clave unto her.

This is Ruth cleaving on to Naomi – how raunchy, a bit of girl on girl action.  It’s a strange word, clave, apparently claves is a musical instrument, however as nobody appears to be beating their sticks, in this case, if I may be so bold as to interpret the holy babble, clave means to cleave.  And fancy that, here we have Ruth cleaving unto Naomi, the same word we find in Genesis:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

A little further along in Ruth we find this puppy dog attitude:

And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.  When she saw that she was stedfastly minded to go with her, then she left speaking unto her.

So, Ruth says to Naomi, don’t send me away, I want to go where you go, I want to sleep where you sleep, your friends will be my friends, your beliefs will be my beliefs.  When you die, so will I, I want to be buried with you, I don’t want to be parted from you.  When Naomi saw that she couldn’t change Ruth’s mind she gave up arguing and allowed her to join her.

Nothing like a good cleaving I’ve always thought.

Not unexpectedly the bible makes no mention of Trevor

so we can only surmise that god did not in fact create Trevor, therefore Satan.

The sign that Satan’s ToyBoy Trevor has flashing in his ex-pub come church also says this:

None of us owe our existence to same-sex sexual relationships

Isn’t that a fine bit of biblical sense.  What a fucking genius he is.  Also, none of us owe our existence to impotent people, none of us owe our existence to the neighbours or their pets.

Is this really a reason to disallow marriage equality?  Don’t answer that.

“I suppose they are a bit controversial, but I am very much in support of marriage as it has been traditionally known,” Mr Walmsley said.

That’s Mr. “Satan’s ToyBoy” Trevor Walmsley.

So, traditionally we have David and Jonathan knitting their souls together and Naomi and Ruth cleaving to each other as well as a smattering of opposite sex couples getting it on.   The bible also traditionally allows multiple wives, children born out-of-wedlock, incest and a range of other unholy things.

It must be nice to pick and choose which bits of the bible should apply to the rest of humanity.



This entry was posted in religion.

2 Responses to Hamilton Man Trevor Walmsley is not in the bible!

  1. Raymond says:

    Your article is slander.This is a favorite pastime of homosexuals. YOU love to tell lies about people you don’t like and here you have launched. a perverted attack on the Scriptures.Lets see if anyone quotes youin two thousand years.Homosexual behaviour is unnatural and punishable
    by death under old testament.So you point the finger at the actions of the Old Testament characters.The whole point of the Old Testament is to see how God punished such sinful behavior. Yours is a childish slur aimed at the Word of God.If you had a life,if youhad anything better to do you would not launch such a futile attack on the Bible.

  2. Bruce says:

    Thanks Raymond. Which bit did you find slanderous? I’d be happy to retract the statement that Hamilton is quaint.

    My favourite pastime, as a homosexual, is spending time with my family, enjoying the good things in life. You should try it.

    I love the way you seem to think that being gay means I should be punished, by death. You’re a shining example of why religion should be purged from the planet.

    There is no god. Make the most out of your life, you only get one, and when it’s over, when you die, there’s nothing. So stop wasting your time pretending otherwise, you know it’s the truth.