How God Saves the Day


Young man, Daniel Jang, was driving home one wet dark night when he took a corner too quickly, his car spun around and ended up on the footpath.  Luckily for him, his seat belt held him in place and good road construction prevented him from flying over the edge of a bridge.

Sliding momentum brought the right back wheel to smash the kerb. The impact was so severe that the right wheel bent inward, the whole back axle shifted toward the left and the entire body of the car to move up onto the raised footpath. Remarkably, I found myself, inside the car with the seatbelt firmly fastened, and it happened in the blink of an eye. The car on the footpath…. The fence behind my car absorbed the momentum and helped stop the car in that exact position. I was terrified when I got of the car and saw what was behind the fence. There was a cliff and the rail track underneath! The very ‘positioning’ of my car after this incident was in itself, in my view a miracle. I just had to give thanks to God for His protection. It could have been far worse.

So, we have seat belt laws, thank the foresight of the Victorian Government for mandating that in 1970,1 road traffic authorities have knowledge about their roads and are clever enough to put barriers where people are likely to fall off the road, you know, on bridges where there’s a train line underneath2.  They construct these barriers to make sure they minimise damage to people and property, so why would you be surprised when they do their job of stopping the car before it fell off the cliff and on to a railway line.

So, on both counts you can’t thank your god for any of this.  It took years and years of thinking for people to come up with ways to minimise damage caused by road traffic accidents.  Seat belts and road barriers are something your god should have provided before allowing his people to go hurling around in cars at 100 km/h or faster.  You could start by thanking the engineers who no doubt solved these matters by trial and error, not by prayer.

But, it gets worse.  God had another magic trick for tonight.  It seems this christian boy who was going too fast in his car because god hadn’t told him to slow the fuck down, had a bible in the boot.  What a surprise.  When a friend came to help him and opened the boot to get the tyre lever he found the book.

Surprisingly, he uncovered two books hidden under the tyre. One was a Good News Bible, and believe or not, the title of the other book was, “There’s A God in Heaven”!

Yeah, what a surprise.  I wonder how those books got there… in a hidden place.

I suspected Ken is possibly not a Christian and definitely not a regular church-goer. He said, “Wow, God has saved your life today. See? There is a God in heaven!” After we replaced the tyre, Ken said, “All done! I think I believe there is God in heaven. Thank you Father in heaven!”

All I can think  of is a deeply sarcastic voice saying that shit.

I can do nothing but laugh at this sort of rubbish.  Such delusion surely must hurt his brain.

  1. The Victorian Government was the first to make it law Wikipedia
  2. Check out the history of the Jersey Barrier, a lot of thought went into that
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