The Sabbath, Flying and Texting made simple

So just what is it that brings this Llama out of his semi-retirement holiday of “I’ve got better things to do”.

Is it me old mate Spinksy that thinks he’s clever.  No.

Is it everyone’s favourite Great Uncle Billy?  No.  Although I note he’s not been so busy with the gayz of late, what with all these muslims to worry about.  He’s been telling us for years!

It must be the ACL then, Lyle has finally got the right combination of prayer and money to force his will onto the rest of us?  Nope.

It’s the jews!

Well some of them.  The ultra-orthodox ones that have sparked me fur to stand on end like a million hard soldiers.

Two good stories that show just how stupid religion is becoming!

The first one about the silly men who refuse to sit next to women on aeroplanes, well anywhere at all really.  But in this case, on aeroplanes.

Ultra-orthodox-Jews-in-BrooklynWhen a bunch of ultra-orthodox men climb onto a plane they begin to harass women to move so that they don’t have to sit next to them.  Their religion doesn’t allow them too.  Strangely it does allow them to climb onto the plane and be flung through the air at great speed, but not to sit next to a woman.

Why?  I hear you ask.  I’m glad you did.  It seems that for some extraordinary reason any time an ultra-orthodox man so much as glances at a women he is tempted to have sex with her and if that wasn’t bad enough, the ultra-orthodox have no way of knowing if the woman is having her period.  So they think they can’t sit next to them least they might touch and he will need to have sex, or she might be unclean because she’s menstruating.

If it was my airline that was being held up because a bunch of passengers won’t sit in their allocated seats, I’d kick them off straight away.  You give it a try, get on a plane and refuse to take your seat so the plane can depart.  How long before you are ejected from the flight?  However, if you do it while wearing a possum felt hat, some frilly lace stuff, maybe some white stockings and a black coat you can get away with it.

Next up is the mobile phone app that will allow you to text on the sabbath.  Thank fucking god for that one!  I mean how silly of god not to know back at the dawn of time that one day all good little jewish boys would have a smart phone and want to send a text message on a Saturday arvo when the footy is on!  A complete lack of foresight by the almighty.  The dickhead.

Thankfully Man to the rescue!  Some nutter has devised an app that allows you to use the phone on the sabbath so that you’re not breaking the rule about working or some crap.  The app keeps the screen lit at all times, keeps the battery consumption at an even level and delays the time between pressing the keyboard and the letter being displayed.

God is so fucking stupid that he can be fooled into thinking the phone isn’t being used because the battery isn’t being drained, the screen doesn’t suddenly become bright and the keys aren’t making a noise when being pushed.

It’s better to have the app for the kiddies, because the thinking goes that if they are breaking one rule on the sabbath then they will think nothing of breaking other rules.

Before  you know it the boys will be touching girls and getting tempted to sin.  Worse yet, they might even sit next to one of them on an aeroplane and take a photo.

Well back to my little holiday.  You’ll find me booking 4 seats so I don’t have to sit next to any ultra-orthodox types with mobile phones.

This entry was posted in Rant.

One Response to The Sabbath, Flying and Texting made simple

  1. Are the hats a protected species?